Proud Of Your Boy
by Darthnikki
Summary: Brotherhood Au borrowed from Ridley. C. James Dean runs away after Sammy gets hurt and he's punished by John.


I was listening to my I-pod yesterday when this song came on. Its from Aladdin the musical that's been on Broadway and was sung by John Barrowman on one of his albums. Its called 'Proud of your Boy' and it just made me think of Dean, and this story came to mind. I'm going to use Ridley's 'brotherhood 'as its just too much fun not to delve into the world. The song was written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman these are the lyrics to it,

Proud of your boyI'll make you proud of your boyBelieve me, bad as I've been, MaYou're in for a pleasant surpriseI've wasted timeI've wasted meSo say I'm slow for my ageA late bloomer, Okay, I agreeThat I've been one rotten kidSome son, some pride and some joyBut I'll get over these lousin' upMessin' up, screwin' up timesYou'll see, Ma, now comes the better partSomeone's gonna make goodCross his stupid heartMake good and finally make youProud of your boyTell me that I've been a louse and loaferYou won't get a fight here, no ma'amSay I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no goodBut that couldn't be all that I amWater flows under the bridgeLet it pass, let it goThere's no good reason that you should believe meNot yet, I know, butSomeday and soonI'll make you proud of your boyThough I can't make myself tallerOr smatter or handsome or wiseI'll do my best, what else can I do ?Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or youMom, I will try toTry hard to make youProud of your boy

Disclaimer; Don't own supernatural or any of its characters, nor do I own any of the brotherhood characters they all belong to Ridley, just borrowing them for the time being.

Proud Of Your Boy.

Two year old Samuel Winchester ran through the farm house screaming and giggling as his big brother ran after him making growling noises like a tiger.

" Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I'm coming Sammy, I'm gonna get ya, an then I'm gonna tickle ya "

" No, no, no. No De. No get Sammy " he giggled as he ran around the furniture in their small bedroom.

" Oh yes !! Grrrrrrrrrrrr, here I come Sammy " he leapt around the corner of the bed and let forth a mighty roar. Sammy screamed and ran out of the opened bedroom door,

" Sammy no, come back, I'm sorry " Dean ran after him as Sam headed for the stairs

" No Sammy " he yelled, he leapt forward making a grab for Sam's dungarees as the toddler tripped over his laces and began to tumble forwards.

Deans small fingers slipped from the coarse material and the brothers shared scared looks as Sammy tumbled down the stairs in what seemed like slow motion. Years later Dean would compare the fall to some fight scene from the 'matrix'. Time slowed down and he stood momentarily frozen before he yelled Sam's name, then his father. Sam let forth a pain filled howl and Dean felt a block of ice slide down his spine then settle in his chest.

" De, De, help De " the little boy cried. Dean leapt down the stairs to his baby brother who was in a crumpled heap at the bottom, his right arm at a funny angle. His father arrived and took in the scene with fear filled eyes, he scooped his baby into his arms and pulled him into his chest

" What the hell happened Dean ? You where supposed to be watching him " John yelled fearfully, he saw Sam's arm which was already beginning to swell and turn a vivid purple colour, when Dean didn't answer John spat

" Now Dean damn it report " Dean flinched at his fathers tone

" We were playing sir and he fell "

" How the hell did he fall down the stairs Dean ? "

" I was chasing him, he……he got scared I made him jump. I tried to catch him but he fell and I couldn't stop it "

" Go to your room. I'll deal with you later I can't even bear to look at you right now " when Dean stood staring at him with tears in his green eyes John yelled " NOW!! ". Dean ran back up the stairs and into the room he shared with his little brother and threw himself on the bed, his small body shaking with fear and worry.

" Jim, JIM !! " John yelled , Sam was sobbing in his arms for his brother John making shushing noises to calm the terrified toddler down. Pastor Jim came out of the 'hunters tomb' with a puzzled look on his face " Good heavens !! What's happened is Samuel okay ? "

" No he's fallen down the stairs. I think he's broken his arm, can you drive us to the hospital ? "

" Of course, of course " they rushed from the house and into the impala " What about Dean ? Where is he?" Jim asked, John shot his friend a look that told him not to argue with him

" I sent him to his room, he'll be ok, we need to get Sammy seen to. Please Jim just drive ". The Pastor hesitated he didn't like the idea of leaving the small boy at the farm house alone and was about to argue when Sammy tearfully told his father his arm hurt and to make it stop. He started up the car and drove to the emergency room as fast as he dared.

John rushed from the car and to the reception desk

" Please help me, my boy he fell down the stairs " the nurse looked up and took in the sight before her, John had tears on his face his eyes wide with fear, the small bundle in his arms was trembling she called for a doctor and a gurney was pushed out and Sammy taken from Johns arms. He was about to follow when the nurse stopped him

" Sir, can you fill these forms out for me first please ? "

" Can't I do it while I'm sitting with Sammy ? " he asked she nodded her head and led him into the examination room where a doctor was giving the distraught toddler a slight sedative.

" Daddy " the little boy cried and reached for his father with his good arm, John sat on the gurney with him and pulled him in

" Ssssh baby its okay, daddies here you're okay " John soothed the soft baby hair off Sam's forehead the sedative taking effect as his eyes fluttered closed his eyelashes brushing his flushed cheeks.

" Is he going to be okay Doc ? " John asked

" He'll be fine Mr……? "

" Winchester, John Winchester. This is Sammy "

" Your son will be fine Mr. Winchester. We'll do an x-ray on his arm and because of the fall keep him in overnight just for observation "

" But he'll be okay ? " the Doctor smiled and nodded his head

" Yes, he'll be fine, we'll do the x-ray and set his arm now while he's sleeping from the sedative we gave him. "

" Thanks Doc " John smiled, Jim came into the small curtained off room " He's going to be okay. They're going to x-ray and set his arm while he's out of it, and they want to keep him in overnight for observation but he's going to be okay " he breathed, relief evident in his voice. Jim smiled also relieved that the youngest Winchester would be fine

" I'll get back to the farm and Dean then. Call me when you're ready to leave and I'll come pick you up "

" Okay. That boy has to learn some responsibility, he's going to have to be punished for this " John said his eyes darkening

" Jonathan it was an accident, please reconsider " Jim pleaded

" He's my son Jim, and I'll do as I see fit " John snapped, Jim raised a hand in a calming gesture he had to tread carefully with John, he was a good man but John often saw the others as trying to take over the care of his boys. They had a hard road ahead of them and John thought molly coddling them wasn't going to help.

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. Call me when you're ready to leave " John nodded and left the Pastor as his baby boy was led out of the small room to be taken for x-ray and his plaster.

When Jim arrived back at the farm house it was getting dark, there where no lights on and it made the Pastors heart leap into his throat. He entered the house putting on lights as he went.

" Dean ? Dean son are you here ? " Jim called, he heard small footsteps at the top of the stairs, he made a sandwich and a cup of soup for the child

" Come on down Dean I've made you something to eat "

The little blonde boy came into the kitchen his head down, not looking at the Pastor

" Is Sammy going to be okay ? " he whispered, poking at the sandwich that the Pastor had placed in front of him. He still hadn't looked at the man and it was beginning to worry the Pastor. It had only been a few months since Dean had started to speak again and Jim was worried that this would set the small child back again.

" He's fine Dean, he's broken his arm and the doctors want him to stay overnight to make sure that he's okay. Now eat that sandwich and drink the soup "

" Sammy has to stay in hospital " he asked fearfully, Dean raised fear filled eyes to the Pastor, in his short life he knew that it was very serious if you had stay overnight in the hospital, and this was his fault. If only he had caught Sam, if only he hadn't scared him, if only he was quicker. The Pastor nodded to the sandwich

" He does, but its only to make sure that he's okay. He's fine Dean I promise you. Now , come on son, eat up now "

" Yes sir ".

Dean began to eat the sandwich, not because he was hungry but because he'd been told to. As he was eating the phone rang and the Pastor answered it keeping a watchful eye on the blonde head

" That's good news John, we'll be along shortly to pick you up " the Pastor listened to the voice on the other end then spoke again

" No I'm going to bring him with me, I don't want to leave him on his own now with it being dark, see you soon. " he hung up the phone " Go and get your coat Dean we're going to go and pick up your father at the hospital " Dean nodded and left the half eaten meal to get his coat he came back with it and put it on silently.

" Dean ? Are you okay ? " Jim asked worriedly, Dean merely nodded and followed the Pastor out to the impala, he climbed in the back and looked to the space at the side of him. Tears filled his eyes at the empty seat that would usually be his brothers place, he wiped his hand across his face wiping them away, he wasn't a baby anymore.

The drive to the hospital was fairly quick, John was stood by the door waiting and climbed into the passenger seat

" Daddy ? Can I see Sammy ? " he asked quietly, John turned round in his seat and gave his son an accusing glare

" No Dean, I think you've done enough damage for one day. When we get home you are going to go into the library and wait for me "

" Yes sir " the little boy replied dejectedly. They arrived back at the farm house and Dean made his way to the library to await his punishment, John followed him and shut the door.

The Pastor could hear the swats as they landed on the child's bare rear and small cries of pain, it must have been the tiredness or the worry that made John say it, the fear that his baby had tumbled down the stairs, that it could have been much, much worse, but Jim heard the yelling start and the child's cries dry up faster than a puddle in the middle of a desert.

" You could have killed him Dean, do you understand that? I gave you one job…..….one job to look after you're brother and you screwed it up!! You're mother would be so disappointed in you, I don't want to look at you right now and I don't want to think about you. Now go to your room and don't leave until I say so ".

Jim was shocked at the harsh words that had left Johns mouth, he expected the small child to come flying out, to run for sanctuary, but the small boy walked silently and slowly to his room, never taking his eyes off the floor. Jim decided to hell with how the mighty John Winchester reacted, he WAS going to have his say in this matter, if he had to use his position as guardian so be it. The knight could slay demons, wendigos, ghosts and whatever other fugly as Caleb called them, but he'd be damned if he was going to let the man destroy his son. He went into the library and closed the door himself

" Jonathan we need to talk " John began to speak but glare from the Pastor silenced John immediately " And you ARE going to listen ".

Dean sat on his bed his small legs pulled up to his chest, and let the tears come. Sobs tore through his small frame. His father hated him, he was a failure and now his mother, his mom who he loved more than anything in the world hated him as well , and all because he couldn't do his job properly. His father was right, he'd given him one job to do, to look after his little brother and he'd failed. His father said he could have died and it would have been his fault. Dean wasn't sure what disappointed meant but he was sure it wasn't something good, it could only mean that that person didn't care for you anymore. And his father didn't want him, didn't even want to think about him, isn't that what he really meant by the things he'd said.

Sammy would be better off if he left and never came back. Caleb could look after Sammy, he was always looking after them and although he complained about it, A LOT, he did a good job, a better job than Dean could do. So Dean decided that the only thing he could do, the only thing that would make his dad happy would be if he left. He'd leave and try to be better try and make his family proud, make his mom and dad proud of their boy. So he packed his small backpack with a few clothes and crept down the stairs, the parlour and kitchen where empty he knew he'd need food so he took some fruit from the table and a carton of juice from the fridge and placed them in his backpack. He put on his coat and set out into the night determined to make his family proud of him.

When John climbed the stairs much , much later his ears thoroughly bashed he felt like a fool. True he'd been afraid, afraid of loosing his baby boy but to take that out on Dean……and the things he'd said. He'd seen the look in his boys eyes when he told him his mother would be disappointed in him, the light that was slowly coming back into them since Mary had died had gone instantly as if someone had flipped the off switch, in truth John knew that it would be himself she would find lacking not their scared 6 year old child. He pushed the door open quietly to Dean and Sam's room a small bundle was lay under the covers, John crossed the room silently and sat on the bed, he placed a hand on the small form and was surprised when a cold wet nose nudged his hand. He drew the covers back to find Atticus Finch grinning up at him his tail wagging happily at the attention, Johns heart stopped. If Atticus was in the bed, then where was Dean ?

" Dean ? Dean where are you son ? " he called, when he received no answer he became frantic " DEAN ? DEAN ANSWER ME !! Please " there was no reply, John rushed from the bedroom to be met by Jim

" John, what did we talk about " he said angrily, but stopped at the frantic look on his friends face

" Jim I can't find him, I can't find Dean "

" Okay calm down now, he can't have gone far. We should check the pond he likes to go there " they both headed to the pond searching the banks but found no sign of the small blonde boy, the boat that Dean sometimes took out on the pond was tied off , there was no sign of Dean anywhere.

" Oh my God Jim, where is he ? What have I done ? What if something finds him ? "

" Calm down John this won't help. I'm going to call Mackland and get him and Caleb here. Perhaps it would also be a good idea to speak to the police ", John raised tortured eyes to the Pastor

" I can't get the police involved Jim, I had some trouble with cps in the last town we we're in, some no good busy body thinking the boys where being abused I had to split. They'll take the boys from me "

" Then I shall inform as many of our brethren as possible to look for Dean " John nodded and ran his hand through his hair

" I'll never forgive myself for this Jim, never " Jim placed an arm around the young mans shoulders

" We'll find him Jonathan , we'll find him ".

It took less than 6 hours for Mac and Caleb to arrive at the farm, they'd flown from New York. At first Mac was reluctant to let his son come with him, it was still term time and he didn't want the teen missing anything important, but as Caleb pointed out he even came now or he would follow Mac as soon as the doctor was out of sight, so Mac had agreed feeling it would be much safer.

John had been out searching for Dean all the time whilst waiting for Mac and Caleb to arrive, but hadn't found his boy anywhere, he was getting beyond frantic the more time passed and that Dean was still missing. His mind playing the worst kind of thoughts they could against him. If something had taken his son it would be very sorry, nobody and nothing messed with a Winchester and lived to tell the tale.

The hospital called late morning and said that Sammy had had a good night and that they could take him home, this was the part that John wasn't looking forward to he had managed to get his baby home without any incident, effectively distracting the toddler from asking about his brother, but he knew the moment that they reached the farm and Dean wasn't there Sam would be inconsolable.

" Want De now daddy " the toddler said happily " Where De ? "

" Err………. Deans not here at the minute kiddo "

" Why ? " Sammy asked his big brown eyes filling with tears " Want De "

" I know son, so do I, but we're going to find him" John held the small boy to him breathing in his scent of baby shampoo and talcum powder, it calmed his frayed nerves some, Sam buried his head into his fathers shoulder and began to suck his thumb. He started to rub his hand up and down the child's back and it wasn't long before Sammy's breaths evened out and he was asleep.

" How long has Dean been missing John ? " Mac asked

" For at least 8 hours " John replied

" Have you tried looking for him ? " Mac asked

" Of course I have damn it !! " he yelled then lowered his voice when Sam shifted in his arms " Of course I have, I've looked everywhere for him, he's just disappeared " Mac turned to his son,

" Son, can you try reaching for him ? " the teen who had been sat silent in the chair looked towards his father a look of uncertainty on his handsome face.

" I don't know dad, you know I've got no real control over it yet. What if I hurt him ? "

" You won't junior " John said " Please just try, please ", Caleb had never heard his mentor sound so afraid so he nodded his head, closed his eyes reaching out to the little boy who'd come to mean so much to him.

He pushed his mind forward reaching out to Dean but the boy was either to far away or his abilities still weren't developed enough

" I can't " he panted his eyes screwing up, sweat beading his brow " I can't sense anything , I think he's too far away. I'm sorry " Mac reached a hand over to his son and patted his leg comfortingly, worried amber eyes looked back at him

" Its okay son, you tried, you tried " Mac said soothingly " Have you got anything of Deans to hand John? Let me try " John watched his friend his eyes filling with fear

" Don't you usually find dead kids Mac ? My son isn't dead, he's missing " 'oh God please don't let him be dead ' he prayed silently.

" It doesn't always work like that John, sometimes I find children alive. At least let me try " John nodded

" Now, do you have anything of Deans ? "

" Yeah, I've got a shirt of his upstairs will that do ? " Mac nodded and went to retrieve the item.

He was dreading what he would see, usually he saw fear, felt cold and then the darkness came letting him know that the chid he was helping the F.B.I to find was dead and all the distraught parents would find was a body. He prayed that this would not be the case now, and that what he'd told his friend hadn't been a lie.

He took the small batman logoed shirt downstairs smiling slightly. Dean had a fixation on the caped crusader at the moment and had received the shirt from Caleb as a birthday present, it was his favourite. He held it tightly, closed his eyes and concentrated. The first images that came to mind where of darkness and he felt a cold creep over him, then they changed to a brightly lit area, he concentrated harder and smells invaded his senses, smoke, beer, he could hear pool balls being stuck in the back ground. The feelings he received were of hunger, fear, sadness a sign flashed in his mind ' O'Neill's Bar '.

Mac opened his eyes and smiled the bar was a few towns over if he recalled correctly , and wouldn't take long to get to by car. Johns worried face came into view

" Well ? Did you find him? Is he okay ? Is he alive ? " Mac held up his hand to stop the flow of questions that where forming in Johns mind.

" Relax John, yes I found him and he seems safe for now, he's at a bar a couple towns over. He's scared and hungry but not harmed in anyway " John stood and placed Sam on the couch covering him with a blanket,

" Well lets go then "

" Perhaps after your angry words it would be best if you stayed here Jonathan " the Pastor suggested

" Hell no, I'm going Jim he's my son "

" What do you mean after what was said ? " Mac asked with a raised brow, John scrubbed at his neck uncomfortable with the way the conversation was now going.

" I was scared Mac "

" And you took it out on Dean ? " he asked angrily

" I didn't mean to " John defended " It just came out , I didn't mean to say it "

" What did you say to him John ? " Mac asked his voice laced with acid, the boy had only just really begun to talk, he was a baby really, scared and feeling alone, if John had hurt him he was prepared to take the child away from his father to keep him safe.

" I said………." John put his hands over his face " I told him he'd nearly gotten his brother killed, that…..that his mother would be disappointed in him " John let his hands fall to his sides and raised tortured eyes to his best friend who was looking at him like he was some kind of alien species,

" You said what ? " he asked quietly, hoping that he'd misheard , that John wouldn't be foolish enough to say something like that to his broken son. But the look in Johns eyes told him he was telling the truth, it was Caleb who broke the spell,

" Can we discuss how much of a dick head you are later and go find Dean ? before some drunk takes a shine to him and takes him home "

" Because of the situation I'll let that go junior " John said crossing his arms over his chest " But don't let it happen again " Caleb rolled his eyes at the adults who were all giving him annoyed looks, they then nodded and Mac and John went to leave the house but Caleb stopped them.

" No, I'm going alone. I'll bring him back here. My guess is he won't trust any grown up at the moment " John turned to argue but was stopped by Jim who stepped forward to stop any argument that was about to start,

" I think that would be for the best Caleb, go bring our boy back " Caleb nodded and left grabbing the keys to his fathers rental as he went.

Caleb entered the bar where his father said Dean would be and glanced around, on first look he couldn't see the little boy anywhere the 14 year old scanned the bar again, he was beginning to panic when he saw a small blonde head at the back of the bar in a booth. He smiled to himself, typical Deuce just where his dad would have gone to nearest exit in sight, view of all the bar from his position. He wandered over to the sleeping child and lay a gentle hand on him. He didn't stir at first just lay there sleeping his cheeks flushed and tear stained, a gravely voice behind him made him spin round

" He with you honey ? I was about to call the cops ? " a woman with a kindly face asked. She was in her early forties with short brown hair and big blue eyes,

" Yeah , he's my little brother he had a falling out with dad and he ran away. You been looking after

him ? " he asked, she nodded and gave a wide smile

" Found him wandering around outside , told him to come in and wait till I could call someone for him to come pick him up. He was so scared , wouldn't answer any of my questions. He fell asleep not to long ago" she ran her fingers through Deans blonde hair

" He's a sweet kid, was tempted to keep him " Caleb shot her a glare

" Well you can't have him " he spat, she raised her hands in a pacifying manner

" Was only joking kid. Was getting real worried about him when he wouldn't say a word just kept watching me with those pretty green eyes of his. Can he talk ? "

" Yeah he can talk, just not so much with strangers " Caleb said as he ran his fingers through the blonde hair. Deans eyes fluttered open, big green eyes took in Caleb watching him and the child threw himself into the teen arms

" Caleb, I killed Sammy " he cried

" Deuce what are you talking about ? The runts fine he's at home now waiting for you. Come on lets go home huh ? " but Dean shook his head his long blonde hair falling in his eyes

" No. I can't "

" Why not ? "

" Because daddy said mom hated me, cause dad hates me, cause I nearly killed Sammy and he's gonna hate me to. I'm gonna make dad proud Caleb then he'll love me again " the teen swallowed, maybe he wasn't cut out for this after all, he didn't deal well with his own emotions never mind those of a scared 6 year old.

" Deuce your mom would never hate you, she loved you, and so does your dad "

" But……but dad said "

" What Deuce ? What did your dad say ? " he asked softly

" He said mom would be dis…dis….dipapointed in me. That means she hates me right ? " he asked his green eyes bright with tears that spilled onto his cheeks, the teen sighed

" No Deuce it means your dad's an idiot "

" He is not. My daddy's a hero " the small child said his small face defiant. Caleb smiled at the look he was getting from the child and pulled him closer to him , standing as he did. He grabbed Deans backpack and sent a thankful look to the barmaid who was hovering, she smiled and gave them both a wave as they left the bar. Dean wrapped his arms around the teens neck and buried his face in his shoulder.

"Disappointed means that it makes someone sad because something you've done has made them feel that way, but your dad was scared Deuce he really meant that your mom would be unhappy with him, disappointed in him that he hadn't kept you and Sammy safe. Sometimes grown ups say things they don't mean because they get real scared and they don't think they should, but its okay to be scared Deuce, no matter how old you are "

" Dad never gets scared Damien " Dean said as Caleb fastened him in the car, amber eyes met green ones

" Oh he does Deuce , he's just good at hiding it that's all. Your dad was really scared when he couldn't find you "

" He was ? " Caleb nodded and started the engine, he turned the car around and headed back to the farm

" I've never seen anyone as scared as your dad was today Deuce, never "

" But he's gonna be mad, and…….and…..I want to just make him proud of me "

" He won't be mad Dean, I promise, I got your back "

" Okay " the little boy watched the world pass by his window, he didn't want to disappoint his mom or his dad, but he was scared. Scared of the dark, and the things that lived in it. Things his dad hunted, he was terrified that one day one of those things would take his dad away like they had his mom. He remembered seeing her pinned to the ceiling, could remember how hot it was. He still had bad dreams about it, he just wanted to not be scared anymore. So sat in the back of the rental car as Caleb drove them back to the farm Dean made a vow to his mom, 'I'll make you proud mom, I will just wait and see'.

The car pulled into the yard and John came rushing down the steps Jim had hold of Sammy who was trying to wriggle out of his arms, he wanted to see his big brother.

John pulled open the back door and pulled Dean into his arms

" Oh Dean I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, any of it. I'm sorry son " John cried, Dean wiped the tears from his fathers cheeks

" Its okay dad, I'm sorry too. I'll do better then mom won't be disappointed in me and then she'll love me again " John was shocked at his sons words, wanted to correct him that his mom loved him no matter what, but Sammy had managed to untangle himself from the Pastor and was making his way over to his brother

" De, De you back now. Sammy missed De. No go way gain De " Dean wriggled free of his fathers hold and drew the baby into his arms and kissed him lightly on the forehead

" I won't Sammy, I'll never leave you again, I promise " John watched as his boys made their way back into the house, he had a lot of making up to do and he was going to do everything in his power to do it. After all he was proud of his boy he just had to show him. Somehow. It would take some figuring out but he'd do it.

Mac watched as his friend remained knelt on the ground watching his boys wander over to the house a look of hurt and failure on his face.

" Come on John, on your feet it'll be okay, we'll take care of this "

" How will we Mac ? He thinks his mother doesn't love him and its my fault " John rose his dark tortured eyes meeting Mac's grey ones. Mac gripped Winchesters shoulder giving it a firm squeeze to reassure him

" Then we'll have to convince him otherwise, won't we ? "

" You think its going to be that easy ? " John asked some of the old spark coming into his eyes making them flash " This is Dean we're talking about. You didn't see his face last night Mac. All that hard work in getting him to talk, to bring some light back into his eyes, I destroyed that with one damned sentence "

" John listen to me " Mac said firmly " We will change this, make Dean believe that his mom loves him but its going to take time, and you're going to have to reign in that famous temper of yours "

" Famous temper huh ? " John smirked briefly

" Oh yes. Never doubt John if there is one thing that people remember about you its your temper " Mac grinned to soften the blow, it worked and John smiled rubbing at the back of his neck

" So how do we change this ? " he asked,

" You talk to him John, simple as that, not as a drill sergeant but as his father "

" Okay, I can do this " he said with determination " I'll go talk to him now ". He set off towards the house and his boy who he was determined to help, get that light back into his eyes. John Winchester was on a mission and it was one that he couldn't and would not fail.

Dean was sat on the couch with his baby brother snuggled in close to him reading him a story that no doubt Sam had insisted on. Dean was so like his mother in so many ways, not just his looks but his attitude as well. For those he loved forgiveness came quickly and all to easily, he had the biggest heart and would give it freely to all he came across, it was something that would never change no matter how hard John tried to stop it he was just too much like Mary, and secretly John was glad he couldn't change it. Although he would never admit that, to anyone.

" Hey ace, what you doing ? "

" Just reading Sammy a story sir " Dean replied flatly not looking at him, Johns heart broke a little more,

" Hey Sammy Pastor Jim has some cookies, why don't you go get some huh ? "

" Cookies ?!" Sam asked book forgotten he leapt from the couch and ran to the kitchen yelling for the Pastor and one of his delicious cookies, John smiled and shook his head

" Inside voice Sammy " he called after the energetic bundle.

Dean shifted uncomfortably on the couch his small hand caressing the book it was one his mom would read to him he knew it word for word and had read it to Sammy every night.

" Dean I need to talk to you " John said as he sat next to his son, Dean briefly shot his dad a look then returned his gaze to his book,

" What about ? " he asked quietly

" About your mom." John replied he saw Dean stiffen but continued " Why would you think she doesn't love you ace ? " Dean shrugged and remained silent, John placed an arm around his sons shoulders and pulled him into his side.

" Dean, your mom, she…………..she loved you more than anything else in the world " he gave a small laugh " More than me even I think, and the impala " Dean raised disbelieving eyes to his father

" You don't believe me ? " he asked raising a brow, Dean shook his head slowly " She loved you so much Dean, was so proud of you. She always said you where one of the best things that ever happened to her "

" She did ? " he asked quietly shuffling closer to his father, John pulled him in tighter, then smiled gently and pulled Dean onto his lap. Dean snuggled into his fathers chest and sighed deeply breathing in his dads smell. He always smelt like the impala, leather and grease and with just an underlying smell of gun powder, he loved the way his father smelt it made him feel safe.

" Oh yeah ace she did, she loved you so much. She would have done anything, anything to not have had to leave you. She was never, will never be disappointed in you. Me, now that's a different story. I messed up kid, keep messing up, but I'm trying hard to do the best for you and your brother. I'm so sorry Dean I never meant to hurt you, I just want to keep you both safe. I was so scared when Sammy got hurt and then when I couldn't find you " his voice hitched and he felt the tears prick his eyes and for once John let them fall, Dean looked up into his fathers face and again brushed the tears away

" When I couldn't find you, I thought I'd lost you for good, and it was my fault for being such a damned hot head "

" Its okay dad. We'll be okay " John held him tightly and kissed the top of his head softly

" I love you ace, never forget that " he whispered into Deans hair " But never run away like that again, understand ? "

" Yes sir " Dean replied a small smile on his face, John brushed his hand through the long blonde locks, the boy needed a haircut, he swatted him gently on the behind

" Go on before your brother eats all those cookies " Dean jumped down from his lap and ran into the kitchen. He may not be the best father there was, he knew he screwed up more times than he helped his children, but he was trying, he just hoped that one day he could earn the love and forgiveness his loving beautiful son was always willing to give him.

As he tucked his children into bed that night and kissed them he made a promise to himself and to Mary that he would try to do better for their children, so that his boy would be proud of him.

The End.

A/N; hope you enjoyed this it kind of took on a life of its own there for a minute. Please review, I may have to write some more of these brotherhood stories to get into the flow of writing the characters and giving them the best that I can. I can't do them the justice that Ridley does but I shall keep trying xxxx Thanks for reading……


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